Tue. Dec 1st, 2020

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been moved from his prison cell in Woolwich to the Orange Hall in Bessbrook we can reveal.

The move was carried out under the noses of the British and American governments who are looking to charge Assange with leaking materials of National importance.

The agreement between British prison officials, the Newry, Mourne & Down District Council and the Orange Order has been met with fury by world leaders.

But a Newry, Mourne & Down District Council spokesman said:

“Honestly we hadn’t a fucking clue. The big weirdo just landed in Bessbrook and claimed political asylum so we had to let him stay. At the moment he is staying in the Orange Hall but that will only be in the short term.”

We spoke with Mr Assange who told us:

“While I’m very grateful to the people of Bessbrook after spending a day and night here I have decided to hand myself over to the Americans. An American jail is surely better than this fucking dump.”

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