Ugly Newry Couple’s Attempts To ‘Spice Up’ Sex Only Makes Things Worse


Efforts by ugly Newry couple Liam & Rita Quinn to revitalise their marriage have been thwarted by the pair’s incontrovertible ugliness, as revealed by the very hot sex that they had hoped would inject a boost of energy into their fledgling sex life.

Newry Spud spoke to a disgusted Liam today:

“I admit married life has been pretty boring lately, but that’s better than horrifying, which is what it became when I caught a glimpse of her weird and misshapen body when the moonlight hit her big hole. She was open to my suggestion that we try something ‘new’, and it wasn’t all that bad, until we tried doggy-style and I saw how bad her back-acne had become.”

We spoke to Liam’s devastated wife Rita who told us:

“Don’t ask me how it is that I came to be staring at his hairy hole for half of the time, but I did and now I think I’m scarred for life. I wish I could call it a ‘noble effort’, but the damage is irreparable, and now every time I look at his face, I’m going to be thinking of the look he made while trying to concentrate on bringing himself to cum.”

Both of them agreed independently that sex, if they ever have it again, is best done in a robotic, eyes-closed fashion, which they describe as “the secret to their success” before their disastrous attempts to introduce a little pleasure into their married life.