The people of Crossmaglen have been planning mass protests after news emerged today that US President Donald Trump has bought St Patrick’s Church in the village in order to build a new ‘Trump Tower’ on the site.
Trump who made a ‘substantial offer’ to the Parish of Upper Creggan for the chapel has ‘huge plans’ for the new tower.
President Trump told Newry Spud:
“I see Crossmaglen as a massive untapped tourist attraction and I thought to myself ‘fuck it’ and I made the Armagh Catholic clergy and offer too good to refuse.
It is already up on high overlooking the village so that is the reason we want to build a massive fuck-off gold tower to look down and the peasantry of Crossmaglen.”