Trump Tower To Replace Crossmaglen’s St Patrick’s Church

The people of Crossmaglen have been planning mass protests after news emerged today that US President Donald Trump has bought St Patrick’s Church in the village in order to build a new ‘Trump Tower’ on the site.

Trump who made a ‘substantial offer’ to the Parish of Upper Creggan for the chapel has ‘huge plans’ for the new tower.

President Trump told Newry Spud:

“I see Crossmaglen as a massive untapped tourist attraction and I thought to myself ‘fuck it’ and I made the Armagh Catholic clergy and offer too good to refuse.

It is already up on high overlooking the village so that is the reason we want to build a massive fuck-off gold tower to look down and the peasantry of Crossmaglen.”