Sat. Nov 28th, 2020


The health and safety authorities have stepped in today to make it a ‘right and not a privilege’ for south Armagh residents to have access to tooth-brushes and tooth-paste.

The move comes after the alarming increase in people seen walking around the Greater Newry area with not a tooth between them.

An official told Newry Spud:

“In 2019 one would be forgiving to think that we would take access to toothpaste and a toothbrush as a human right not a privilege for the rich and wealthy.

After observing the people of Crossmaglen, Forkhill and Mullaghbawn it has become painfully clear that they wouldn’t know what a toothbrush was if it literally hit them in the mouth. We must stop this deplorable deprivation and if not make them brush their teeth at least offer to show them how to do it.”

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