Newry, Mourne & Down District Council has said that St Patrick’s Day in the city has been cancelled.
The news comes after the world’s most eminent theologians have visited Newry and declared that St Patrick did not get all the snakes out of the city.
Leading theologian Dr. Erwin Lutzer told Newry Spud:
“We have been in Newry for 2 days and have concluded without doubt that St Patrick failed to rid all of Ireland of snakes as Newry is full of them. However these snakes aren’t the belly crawling type they seem to be homo-sapians and can walk upright, it really is bizarre and unusual.”