Thu. Dec 3rd, 2020

A New sperm bank is to open in Newry we can reveal.

The state of the art facility on Hill Street is predicted to be the busiest sperm bank in Western Europe.

We spoke with the owners of the new facility to be named ‘Newry Wank Bank’ who told us:

“We heard about this place called Newry that is said to be full of absolute wankers. We thought it was some type of mythical placed such as Narnia or something until we visited the city last month on a fact finding mission.

We spent one Friday night in Cobbles and where absolutely convinced that Newry was the wanker capital of not just Europe but the world. We can’t wait to open up for business it’s going to be a busy time for us.”

It is thought Independent Councillor Henry Reilly will be the first wanker to open up the facility.

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