Sun. Dec 6th, 2020



The good old ‘Speedo’ swimming trunk is to be outlawed in Newry Swimming Pool we can reveal today.

The move comes after several vomit-inducing incidents that occurred in the pool over the last few months.

According to our sources some of the female swimmers are vomiting in the pool when they see 86% of these ‘Budgie Smuggling’ wearers coming in and out of the pool area.

A spokesman for the pool told Newry Spud:


“From now on all male swimmers will have to wear Bermuda shorts down below the kneecap as far too many ‘wobbly bits’ are escaping the speedo trunks causing ‘great distress’ to the female swimmers.

One of the regular swimmers Paul Garvey is actually barred after his scrotum and the tip of his (incredibly small micro) penis were seen coming out of his speedos several times over a prolonged period of time. Once is a mistake Paul but 37 times in 16 days is surely more than a coincidence.”

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