Thu. Feb 25th, 2021
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There was both widespread amazement and shock in the small backward village of Hilltown today with the news that a local man lost his virginity to someone who wasn’t at least his first cousin.

The news broke this afternoon causing locals and the general public at large to dismiss the news as merely rumours and ‘wild speculation’.

One Hilltown man Ciaran Six-Toes told us:

“I don’t know who started this rumour but that’s all it is, an awful, sadistic sad rumour. Everyone knows that we here in Hilltown pride ourselves on our ‘closely knitted DNA’ and to speculate that a young lad lost his virginity to someone with whom he doesn’t share at least 80% of his DNA with is a terrible smear on our village.”

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