‘Sexy Lollipop Women’ To Be Introduced At All Newry Schools

The Southern Education & Library Board (SELB) have agreed on controversial measures to make the Newry area a bit more ‘fun and appealing’ we can reveal.

One of the suggestions that was most popular with 89% voting in favour (all men) was a suggestion that Lollipop Women “dress up a little kinky and show a little more skin”.

A spokesperson told Newry Spud:

“This is a great idea. It will have all the men in the area feeling great and while maybe there will be a traffic jam around most schools in the mornings and afternoons I think this might put Newry firmly on the progressive map.”

Many women Councillors and a few cock blockers on the Newry, Mourne & Down Council have manifested their disgust and frustration with the Council’s plans, calling them “moronic” and “despicable.”