Secret Papal visit to Bessbrook changes Pope’s mind


Hundreds of years of Roman Catholic doctrine concerning clerical celibacy looked set to be overturned last night after Pope Francis inadvertently got lucky during a secret visit to the Bessbrook Convent.

The 79 year old pontiff popped his cherry during a communion wine tasting session in the cellars of the Bessbrook nunnery and told reporters at a specially convened press conference in the Vatican that he hasn’t looked back since. “I had been sampling the vinos and things started to go a little blurry” said the horny Argentine.