Secret Papal visit to Bessbrook changes Pope’s mind

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Hundreds of years of Roman Catholic doctrine concerning clerical celibacy looked set to be overturned last night after Pope Francis inadvertently got lucky during a secret visit to the Bessbrook Convent.

The 79 year old pontiff popped his cherry during a communion wine tasting session in the cellars of the Bessbrook nunnery and told reporters at a specially convened press conference in the Vatican that he hasn’t looked back since. “I had been sampling the vinos and things started to go a little blurry” said the horny Argentine.