Wed. Nov 25th, 2020

The Scottish government have sent a warship to the Warrenpoint coast claiming the seaside town as its own territory.

This comes fast on the heels of the Scots claiming ownership of the small rock on the Irish coast called Rockall.

A Scottish parliament spokesman told us:

“We are trying to expand our empire. We started with Rockall and now we want to add to our shitty little ownership portfolio with the acquisition of Warrenpoint.

We know it isn’t a very nice place and is well known for its debauchery. That’s why we are claiming it as our own territory because literally no one gives a fuck.”

Meanwhile a Newry, Mourne & Down Spokesman told us:

“Yes, we literally don’t care; they are doing us a favour by taking it off our hands if truth be told.”

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