Sat. Dec 5th, 2020

A group of scientists have arrived in Gorman’s pub in Mayobridge this evening to investigate the effects of breathing in ‘excessive amounts of body odour’ we can reveal.

The subjects of the scientific investigation will be the two youngest members of staff who play minor football for Down, Aaron Gribben and Shane Annett. The scientists are using these two lads as test subjects as they are young and active but have to breath in ‘horrific amounts of body odour’ during an average shift behind the bar.

Leading scientist Peter Lynx told Newry Spud:

“Can you imagine coming into work and having to breathe in horrific amounts of BO? Well, this is what is happening to the bar staff in Gorman’s pub due to the lack of soap, water and any other hygienic products. We are going to recommend to the government that they bring back smoking in this pub in order to help mask the stench of these Hallion’s underarm funk.”

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