Sat. Nov 28th, 2020


oldboy
A Silverbridge pig farmer lies in critical condition at Daisy Hill Hospital after contracting an extremely rare and life-threatening strand of pig influenza, commonly known as swine flu we can reveal.

Peader Quinn from the small rural backward south Armagh village has had swine flu several times in the last 2 years which led doctors to investigate his ‘sexual habits’.

Newry Spud spoke with Doctor Ian Pork who told us:


“Peader has worked with pigs all his life so we didn’t believe there was anything wrong at first. Most pig farmers in south Armagh will have low levels of swine flu in their blood due to working with pigs however Peader had 740% more than average which led us to investigate and the numbers simply don’t lie.”

We spoke with Peader from his bedside at Daisy Hill hospital and he told us:

“I’ve been single all my life and about 2 years ago I started a brief but loving affair with one of my Oxford Sandy’s and the rest is history. She was a fine animal, loving and caring. Most women around these parts talk back so I couldn’t be arsed with any of them.”

 

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