Children that have been bold this year in the Newry area will not be getting a bag of coal instead they will get a full pallet of wood chip burning pellets.
The move has been made after Santa has seen the sham of a mess Arlene Foster and co in Stormont has made of the recent heating system initiative.
Santa told Newry Spud:
“This year all the little shites will be getting a full pallet load of these woodchip heating pellets, it saves me on coal money; it’s better for the environment and at the rate of this heating scandal the pellets will be worth fuck all.”
A Stormont official has confirmed that the scheme with Santa is going ahead to see how many pallets of these useless fucking things he can shift in the greater Newry area.