Santa Claus has been in talks with Newry and south Armagh Republican’s in order to get clear passage using the local airspace without fear of a PRG rocket attack we can reveal.
A North-Pole delegation has been in Newry meeting senior Republicans in order to make sure Santa can get from Newry to Crossmaglen without fear of attack.
A North-Pole spokesman told Newry Spud:
“We have had very good meetings with senior dissident Irish Republicans in the Newry and south Armagh area. Last year Santa’s sleigh was struck by heavy artillery fire while making his way from Silverbridge to Crossmaglen.
We obviously don’t want anything like that to reoccur and we have been assured if we give Stephen Murney a new red bike with a horn on it we will be guaranteed safe passage.”