Santa Claus Revealed To Be Retired IRA Volunteer From Cullyhanna

Although most people believe Santa is from Lapland, Newry Spud can sensationally reveal he’s actually a retired IRA man from Cullyhanna.

In our EXCLUSIVE interview with the bearded man he has revealed only certain children will be receiving their gifts this year.

Santa told Newry Spud:

“As a lover of Ireland and everything Irish only children who address their letters to me as Santa Ó Clausaighagh or Athair na Nollag will receive gifts this year.

I’ve become concerned Newry and south Armagh are losing their Irish identity. I feel it’s time to reclaim our language and rubber-stamp Newry and south Armagh’s place upon the nation.”

When we asked Mr Ó Clausaighagh about the children who don’t subscribe to the Irish language he said:

“They fucking will next year.”