Fri. Jan 22nd, 2021

An extraordinary international crisis took place here on our own doorstep last night when it emerged that Santa Claus was ‘apprehended’ by local political party the IRSP we can reveal.

The event took place when the IRSP were out on one of their patrols looking for anti-social elements and unfortunately Mr Claus was caught up in what has been described as a ‘terrible mistake’.

Newry IRSP spokesman Cathal Rusty Gunn told us:

“We were patrolling the streets of Parkhead last night when we saw an extremely suspect looking character coming in and out of a few chimneys from nearby houses. Our activists approached the man and apprehended him to see what he was up to.

Embarrassingly for us and for all involved it was only Santa Claus out doing a test run to see what houses and children needed toys delivered next Thursday night. We advised Mr Claus to be less suspect looking and gave him a slight beating to make sure he knows not to fuck about in Newry. Up the Socialist Republic.”

Please follow and like us: