Fri. Nov 27th, 2020

A report from the National Statistics Office has suggested that 93% of Newry people are overly sensitive and don’t know what satire is we can reveal.

After a full day of answering ‘INSANE’ emails and Facebook messages from a handful of eejits Newry Spud’s editor in chief Maris Piper has declared half of Newry to be absolute fuckwits.

We spoke with one professor of Fuckology at Queens University Belfast who told us:

“Nowadays you have to watch every fucking word you use online due to people who want to ‘martyr’ themselves for some cause or other, at the moment mental health seems to be the vogue cliché for people to jump on the bandwagon.”

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