The Queen will visit Newry to have breakfast at Sunray Bakery on Monaghan Street as part of her 90th birthday celebrations.
After recently joining Trip Advisor, The Queen is keen to try out what she calls ‘food for the common people’ in an effort to connect with the people who pay for her palaces.
She told Newry Spud:
“One does like to rough it a little when one gets out and about. After an all-day fry in Sunray, one shall head north to Warrenpoint to see what sort of food they do up there. Apparently, they do a fine line in battered sausage, which one believes is made using only the finest cow arseholes and eyes. One shall look forward to that immensely.”
The Queen will be bringing a high-powered rifle with her after hearing that Newry can be a dangerous place after dark.
Chief Bodyguard William Trotter said:
“I’ll be watching them pesky Sunray staff with a beady eye. One false move and I’ll rip all their arms and legs off. It’s my job.”