Queen Finishes Birthday Celebrations In Newry

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Queen Elizabeth has rounded off her 90th birthday celebrations by tucking into a Chicken Burger and getting involved in a row outside Friar Tuck’s on Monaghan Street.

The sovereign has spent the day visiting pubs around the city.

Her butler, Sir Tarquin Thunderballs told Newry Spud:

“She’s had a bit of a skinfull to be truthful. She started her session for an all-day fry in Sunray bakery early at about 11am.

She then went to the Armagh-Down pub and sank several bottles of champers before we left for The Railway Bar. After several pints, she got into a fight outside Friar Tuck’s because someone tried to nick her crown.

We led her onto John Moore’s pub but she kept saying how the toilets always seemed to stink of piss in there and that she wanted to go to Bellini’s. Her Highness spent the rest of the day propping up the bar in Bellini’s.

She finished the evening visiting Camlough for several pints in Trainor’s and Doyle’s pubs finishing the night with a Dolce Vita Pizza after getting a Village Taxi back to the Mourne Country Hotel.”

One eye-witness said:

“I’ve seen some old dolls on the drink before but nothing like this. She was drinking like there was no tomorrow.”