A controversial new policy that enables anybody with a gun licence to shoot an over-privileged, tweed jacket wearing wanker on horseback has been introduced to the Newry countryside today.

Any small or large groups seen mounted on horses following a large pack of Foxhounds, blowing horns and passively using phrases such as “that is most unsporting”, “tally-ho!” or “I drive a Volvo estate and wear a tweed jacket because I’m a pompous little cunt”, are now at risk of being gunned down on sight.


Newry MP Mickey Brady told Newry Spud:

“We’ve been trying to keep the pompous prick numbers down in Newry for a number of years now, but they’re a persistent species. We’re hoping that the lift on the ban to shoot them in the face will solve the problem naturally”.

He added: “Although we must stress that this right is only available to those who hold a valid gun licence. Our next step now is to massively reduce the hassle around applying for a gun licence”.