Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021

Queen’s University Belfast have finally proven that Newry women don’t fart – they shoot tiny puffs of glitter that sound like Unicorn’s laughter and smell like rainbows.

Newry women’s farts have been the subject of debate since local singer Rosemary accidentally let one rip during a live performance last week.

Spokesperson for Newry Women told Newry Spud:

“Newry women have been given a rough time over the last 200 years. We all fart but Newry women were always accused of floating ones off that smelt of Newry Canal & death. It’s good to know that it’s been scientifically proven that Newry women’s farts smell like rainbows. Makes me feel better about pumping one out in front of the telly anyway.”

But Newry husbands and boyfriends have hit back, saying that the women’s farts are unbearable

Peader O’Hallion said:

“My woman’s farts are like the inside of a slurry tank, she’s fucking rotten. I’d love to know who the smartarse was that done this study it must be a woman from Newry. Fucking liars.”

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