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Protests among Newry’s private Taxi operators are planned this weekend that promises to bring the city to a virtual standstill.

The protests have been arranged because of local driver Bobby ‘The Soap’ McConnell’s spectacular capture of the franchise of international taxi giants Uber which is set to see the end of the monopoly that firms such as Clanrye Taxis and Ace Taxis have had on the city for many years.

Local taxi driver Paul Toman told Newry Spud:

“It is the end of this business as we once knew it in this city. I am devastated really, I’ve had it handy enough here, now big Bobby is going to fuck it all up by taking this easy, customer focused business model to Newry. Everyone knows people love us ignorant taxi drivers. Especially Clanrye, you pay extra to get a lift by an ignoramus wanker.”

But Bobby told Newry Spud from his own personal booth in Friar Tuck’s:

“Yes, I am taking Uber to Newry, I can’t be arsed running around for other taxi ranks, this is far handier for me, I have to actually buy myself a mobile phone first but I can’t wait to get going. The lads going on protest at the weekend are just jealous that I had the intellectual fortitude to make the move first. Now, are you going to eat that chicken burger or what?”