Tue. Jan 26th, 2021

The Food Standard Agency has released a statement this evening about claims that Friar Tuck’s special ingredients for their coleslaw is in fact crack cocaine.

The revelations came about after the Agency heard about the addictive properties the coleslaw possesses especially to those full of drink late on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.

A Friar Tuck’s spokesman told Newry Spud:

“Obviously we are astounded by such claims. We make all our food with ingredients that are all above board and within the law. While we appreciate that our coleslaw is fucking awesome we do not put cocaine in it, maybe a little bit of Ecstasy just for that extra ‘kick’ but certainty not cocaine.

We spoke with Friar Tuck’s fan Jonny ‘Five Bellies’ and he told us:

“nom nom, nom munch nom, nom.”

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