The Northern Ireland Farmers Union has expressed its members’ concerns about the conflict in Syria and the rise of ISIS.
“Ultimately, this is a struggle between capitalist liberal democracy and the reactionary forces of theocratic absolutism,” explained NIFU local chairman Peader Bogman, while standing in some shit outside a barn in Lislea yesterday.
“Should Islam triumph, there will be serious implications for world-wide pork consumption, and we’ll be demanding compensation.”
Mr Bogman wants the European Union to set up a £10-billion contingency fund.
“If a global imposition of Sharia law makes consuming our product punishable by death, obviously we’ll still have to continue farming,” added Mr Bogman.
“After all, we’ve been producing crap nobody eats for years, and I don’t see why the collapse of Western civilisation should make any difference. Now get off my fucking land.”