People Asked To Go To Doors At 7pm To Applaud Our Brave Off-Licence Staff

Off licence workers have been asked to go back to ‘front line’ duty by the Stormont Executive.

The much needed off-licence which has been removed from the businesses asked to close has brought much relief to the casual border line alcoholics of the country and chronic crippling alcoholics alike.

One much relieved man told us:

“Fair play to the doctors and nurses and all the staff of the NHS but thanks be to fuck the offie is opened. I’d go fucking crazy with the shakes if they were closed.

We are going to ask people all over the north to come out at 7pm ever night to give the off-licence staff a rousing round of applause.”