“I’ll Just Chill And Watch You Pack” Say’s Newry B&M Till Worker

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The wee girl who works in B&M at Newry’s Merchants Quay has said ‘just go ahead there and I’ll watch ya pack your stuff’ we can reveal. The till worker who is as happy to be there than the Pope in Shandon Park just likes watching you go flat out. She told Newry Spud: “I Continue Reading

Bellini’s Offering FREE Drink All Weekend To Celebrate Re-Opening

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Newry’s best cocktail spot Bellini’s have said that they are to offer EVERYONE free drink all day today for their re-opening we can reveal. With their smashing Strawberry Daiquiris and our favourite ‘Drumsticks’ cocktail they have decided that everyone who wants it and comes in to the venue can ‘drink till you’re lamped’. Spokesman Cathal Continue Reading

Asher’s To Open Bakery At Former Rainbow Community Centre

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Asher’s Bakery has announced that they will open a new shop on Monaghan Street after they bought the retail unit that was used by the Newry Rainbow Community we can reveal. The retail unit on Monaghan Street beside Iceland was bought by the General Manager of Asher’s Daniel McArthur in what Asher’s say was a Continue Reading

Council Chairperson Laura Devlin On Tonight’s ‘The Chase’

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Newry Mourne & Down Council Chairperson Laura Devlin will be on this evenings episode of The Chase we can reveal. Councillor Devlin didn’t actually apply to be on the show however instead the Council put her forward in a desperate attempt to win funds to pay for Chief Executive Marie Ward’s £140,000 plus per year Continue Reading

Jordan Poucher Wins ‘Happiest Undertaker’ In Ireland Award

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A young Newry man has been voted the ‘Happiest Undertaker’ in Ireland today we can reveal. Jordan Poucher who is an Undertaker for his family business has beat stiff competition from other hopefuls across the island in the much sought after award. Although an undertaker Jordan also is Gavin Malone’s chief strategist and PR consultant. Continue Reading

Cullyhanna Lad Arrested & Charged With ‘Crimes Against Fashion’

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A Cullyhanna man has become the first person to ever be charged with ‘Crimes Against Fashion’ at a sitting today at Newry Crown Court. The 27 year-old part-time farmer and full-time red diesel maker was stopped in the village by the PSNI after they discovered him wearing ‘items that may cause public outcry’. The man Continue Reading

Pervert On Hill Street Looking Forward To Sun Coming Out To See Diddies

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A local pervert is praying that the warm weather will return again so the women of the city return to the Hill Street with their ‘diddies out’ we can now reveal. The miserable man who has nothing better to do than to sit outside the Cathedral eyeing up the women has stated that he just Continue Reading

The Boulevard To Re-Open As ‘High End’ Brothel

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After the well-known Newry institution The Boulevard announced that it was closing its doors after 3 decades of operating the building that it occupied on Margaret Square is set for a major redevelopment. After a short application process The Boulevard will now become a ‘high end’ brothel offering above board and legal ‘massages’. A spokesman Continue Reading

Locals Can’t Wait To Start Overspending For Pints Again On Friday

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With the countdown now officially started the drinking population of Newry cannot fucking wait to mediocre service and spending 3 times more than a carry out in the gaff we can reveal. While lockdown was on it was clear that we realised just how much money we spent in these fucking hovels.Locals Can’t Wait One Continue Reading

‘Open Daisy Hill’ Says Mom Who Can’t ‘Check In’ With Healthy Child

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A brave and courageous Newry woman has said she will not rest until Daisy hill Hospital Emergency Department is opened again. The woman’s intentions may seem genuine but she told Newry Spud this morning the method behind her campaign. She said: “I am demanding that the A&E re-open with immediate effect as I feel left Continue Reading