Sat. Jan 16th, 2021

There was widespread confusion and dismay today around the North when it emerged that the PSNI were rounding up so-called ‘dissident Republicans’ for not wearing masks and rubber gloves.

The PSNI say they have rounded up over 100 men and women believed to have ties with militant Irish republicanism using the new powers given to them by the Assembly.

One bemused Republican Cormac Kalashnikov – O’Semtex said:

“I was in Tesco doing a spot of essential shopping when the PSNI came in and asked for my particulars. After I gave them my name and address they said they had to arrest me under new guidelines.

They said because I wasn’t wearing a mask and had not put on any latex gloves that I was blatantly flouting the law. This is unbelievable. Only six weeks ago the bastards lifted me for having a balaclava, latex gloves and ammunition in the boot.”

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