Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020


Ofcom has launched an investigation into the membership debacle concerning ‘Newry Club Pulse Runners’ they have said this morning.

On the face of things Club Pulse Runners look to have a very healthy membership base but after Ofcom investigated their activities it has become apparent that 97% of the ‘members’ are taking the absolute piss.

It has transpired that out of Club Pulse Runners 250 strong membership only FIVE of them actually fucking run.

The other 245 ‘cute huurs’ have taking advantage of a legal loop hole that allows them to be members of the club which offers 50% discount to Newry Sports Centre and the Pulse gym there within.

We spoke with the founding member of the club Sonia Hughes McNeice who told us:

“I welcome the Ofcom investigation into this absolute disgraceful set of circumstances. While we welcome members we at least expect them to maybe run even once a year. Unfortunately they seem to be more interested in running into each other’s beds and not the roads.”

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