Answer To Newry’s Dick Head Problem: Catapult Them Into Warrenpoint!


After many possible solutions to Newry’s dick head problem were reviewed, Newry, Mourne and Down Council authorities decided to relocate the dick heads by sending them flying into Warrenpoint via giant catapults.

Unfortunately, shortly after Project Catapult began, a Point man suffered a concussion after being struck in the head by one of these flying dick heads from Newry.

Some angry Warrenpointers are now beginning to catapult these dick heads directly back to Newry.

This feudal vendetta is beginning to even spill over into on-line social media after it was reported that return fire from one Warrenpoint man struck a Newry resident directly in his Facebook, causing temporary insanity.

The worst of the outdoor fighting now seems to be concentrated in the area between Newry’s Kilmorey Street and Warrenpoint’s Mary Street, where people are being warned to wear hurling helmets at all times.