ferrets

After a recent recording of a poor Teleperformance customer service call went viral, the Newry Business Bureau investigated the situation and discovered Teleperformance’s call centre is actually just a room full of ferrets.

“I thought something was up after I noticed the receptionist was a cardboard cut-out of Britney Spears from an old Pepsi advertisement,” said the Newry Business Bureau’s Roger Quinn. “But I never expected beyond the next door was just a room full of ferrets in cubicles.”

Quinn went on to say almost every department within customer service was made up of ferrets wearing tiny headsets rolling over colourful balls. The only exception to the ferrets he noted was a few more Britney Spears cut outs.

“I think customers will be really surprised to find out when they’re transferred five and six times in a single phone call, they’re actually just being transferred to more ferrets in tiny headsets,” said Quinn.

Teleperformance Chief Brian Hughes made a statement Tuesday afternoon saying, “Ferrets actually have great customer skills. They can listen to people talk for hours.” When questioned whether ferrets are actually able to retain any information relayed to them from customers Hughes replied, “How should I know? That’s really more of a question for the ferrets.”

“All of my past conversations with Teleperformance suddenly makes so much more sense to me now,” said customer Sandra Keenan. “I always wondered if I was actually just talking to a ferret, now I know for sure.”

“If our customers want to switch to another company who doesn’t employ ferrets, that’s fine,” Hughes said in conclusion. “They can simply do that by calling our customer service department.”