Sat. Jan 16th, 2021


Catalogue retailer Argos has admitted that its Newry store’s much-vaunted ‘warehouse’ doesn’t actually exist.

“Yes, it’s all a scam,” admitted Manageress Belinda O’Donnell at a packed press-conference yesterday.

“When we ring your order through the till, a text message is sent automatically to one of several Argos ‘para-shoppers’ in the city centre. They buy your item from a normal shop, run around the back of The Mall, and set it on the magic Argos conveyor belt. I’d like to apologise to our customers for how incredibly stupid this must make them feel.”

Initial suspicions about Argos were raised last week by local housewife Lisa O’Leary. “I noticed that if I ordered something you’d normally buy in Dunne’s, it arrived in 30 seconds,” she told our reporter, “but if you order something you’d normally get in Harry Corry’s, it takes three hours. That’s when I finally cottoned on.”

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