Tue. Jan 19th, 2021

A Newry woman who is off cigarettes 4 days into the New Year expects you to roll out red carpet for her and place a Blue Peter badge on her lapel we can reveal.

Nicola Butts who was a 30 a day smoker before Wednesday is now on smoking patches, nicotine chewing gum and using a vape but still thinks she should be sainted as a martyr.

Nicola’s husband spoke to Newry Spud today and said:

“Oh for fuck’s sake I wish she would just start smoking again. We were in Dunne’s today and she told every fucker we met she was off the fegs and expected a marching band to come through the shop to congratulate her.”

We tried to speak with Nicola but we couldn’t be arsed listening to how hard it has been for her this last 48 hours.

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