Sun. Nov 29th, 2020

A Newry woman has been admitted to Daisy Hill hospital with a severely damaged right arm and hand after watching Tom Hardy in the BBC series Taboo we can reveal.

37 year-old Marie DampLips was admitted into the local hospital today at 2:30pm after getting ‘carried away’ after seeing Hardy strip down to a loin cloth.

A Daisy Hill spokesman told Newry Spud:

“We can confirm a 37 year-old woman was admitted with severely damaged tendons and muscles in her right arm and hand after getting ‘overly excited’ while watching Tom Hardy on her TV. This is a condition more common in men called ‘Wanker-itus’ and we hope to release her later today.”

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