The people of Newry will come out to their doorsteps and windows tonight at 8pm to clap for the takeaway food shops in the city we can reveal.

Joining in on the ‘clap culture’ that has swept the country over the last few weeks when folks gather outside their homes clapping and banging pots and pans for the NHS then people of Newry will show their appreciation for the fast food outlets.

Clap organiser Roisin Fatspatrick said:

“I personally couldn’t live if I was expected to cook for myself and my 9 children. The fast-food people of Newry have gone above and beyond to keep all us fat bastids fed.

I still eat Chinese although I know some of my friends who won’t touch it because coronavirus started in China but fuck that, give me a big doorty curry with a bottle of Corona lol.”