Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020


The swimming pool in the Newry Leisure Centre has tested positive for 0.0001% of water we can reveal.

The tests were carried out at a surprise inspection this morning by the water safety board and the results have pleased the Leisure Centre management.

A NLC spokeswoman told Newry Spud:

“This might seem to an outsider like we have failed. But considering the hallions that use this pool not for a swimming activity but as a fucking bath and occasionally as a toilet we are very pleased with the results to be honest.”

However a spokesman for the Health Department said:

“It would be safer to open up a slurry tank and dive into it than to dive into Newry Swimming pool.”

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