Thu. Dec 3rd, 2020


The members of Newry Slimming World and Newry Weight Watchers have joined forces to protest outside the Sugar Island clothing store ‘The Curvy Gurl’.

Slimming World and Weight Watchers in Newry have been outraged after some of their members stopped dieting and accepted they were just ‘chunky’ and could buy clothes in ‘The Curvy Gurl’ outfitters that fitted them without needing a boomerang to tie a belt on any of the costumes.

One of the Slimming World leaders in Newry Lisa TightBelt told us:

“This shop needs to be closed with immediate effect. We are finding it hard enough to get fools to pay us to help them lose weight, now that they can buy clothes that fit them what to fuck will we do?”

But a spokeswoman for The Curvy Gurl Julie ThreeGuts told us:

“We just hope people who accept that they are fatties will come and avail of our clobber. At least it will fit you without it looking like your torso was poured into a plastic bag with a bucket of lard. I couldn’t care less about the protesters; sure half of them are still massive fatties.”

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