Thu. Jan 28th, 2021

Newry Slimming World have been praised as ‘visionaries’ and ‘leaders’ after they modified electric shock dog collars to give users 5,000 volts of electricity if they go within 20 yards of Friar Tuck’s, McDonald’s, KFC or any of the many hundreds of fast food outlets within the city.

The leader of Newry Slimming World Mary Three-Chins told us:

“I thought that if we cannot stop our members from eating such horrifically processed junk food then we would give them an electric shock that at best would give them a small heart attack and at worse kill them stone dead if they were to go within 20 yards of any fast food place.

So far we have only lost 3 members due to sudden death after getting shocked; Julie, Elaine and Clare but they were weak fatsos anyway.”

It is thought that Newry PSNI are looking into the legality of the new neck collar but that at present they say there isn’t sufficient enough evidence to proceed with any criminal charges.

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