Police are on high alert after the news that Newry, Mourne & Down District Council passed a new law abolishing the ancestral right of south Armagh men to have sex with goats we can reveal.
The news was met with rage and disbelief and violent riots are expected to spread like wildfire with the first planned tomorrow in Crossmaglen at 3pm.
A PSNI spokesman told Newry Spud:
“This new law will cause absolute pandemonium around the greater south Armagh area were sex with goats is seen as a right more than a perversion. We are on high alert.”
We spoke with one protestor Declan ShittyBoots who told us:
“We will fight this disgraceful move to the end. Goat fucking is a right given to us by God and History. This council has no authority to take it away!”