Sat. Nov 28th, 2020


The PSNI have said they are to construct the world’s largest ever cell to control the out of control crimewave that is sweeping across the greater Newry area we have learned.

Because it is almost impossible to sleep in some areas of south Armagh without there being a high possibly your home will be burgled the police said they will encase the area from Crossmaglen to Burren in a massive cage.

The cage will be made from reinforced steel so anyone who is in the designated area cannot go in or out until the bastards terrorizing the community are captured and jailed.

A PSNI spokeswoman told Newry Spud:

“It’s a sad day indeed when we have no other option but to effectively jail everyone in the district so we can keep a closer eye on the high crime rates in Newry. Unfortunately it’s a sign of the times we find ourselves living in now.”

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