Sun. Nov 29th, 2020

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Oil reserves in the Newry area have reached an all-time low – all thanks to a record amount of deep fat frying.

Oil levels have dipped below their previous record lows of 1978. Industry experts point out that it’s no coincidence that deep fat frying is at an all-time high.

Emma Lard from Deep Fat Fry Watch told Newry Spud:

“They’re deep fat frying anything they can get their hands on – chips, burgers, roast dinners – we even found evidence of one Parkhead family deep fat frying their dog. It’s no wonder that the Newry oil reserves have hit rock bottom. I see no way out.”

The O’Hallion family from Burren have even dug their own oil well in their garden to supply their deep fat frying needs.

“I went out there and made a big hole and then I made it a bit more bigger and then a bit more bigger again and then I stuck oil and then I went in and made some chips with it.”

The Newry, Mourne & Down Council refused to comment. Actually, they didn’t refuse as such. We just never asked them anything.

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