Wed. Jan 20th, 2021

A bus will leave Newry on Saturday to see Guns ‘N Roses in Slane full of what has been described as ‘disgraceful geriatrics’ we can reveal today.

Concerned friends and family members have contacted Newry Spud as the ageing oldies plan on ‘getting rado’ while head banging to their favourite group in what promises to be an awful fucking mess altogether.

After intervention from various Social Service Departments has failed to stop the ragtag bunch of Hallions from embarking on what one doctor described as ‘tantamount to recklessness’ Slane Castle authorities have said they are working to ‘accommodate’ the Newry group.

A Slane spokeswoman told Newry Spud:

“We have set up new ramps to accommodate their wheelchairs and have employed several nurses to help the Newry elders with any toilet needs they may require.”

Some of the group Margaret McCann Trainor, Aidan Trainor (both in late 60’s maybe 70’s) Barry Duffy, Majella Murphy and Sonia McNeice are said to be ‘excited’ and ‘overjoyed’ to get this chance to relive their once debauched and horrid pasts.

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