Sat. Jan 23rd, 2021


A Newry nightclub has banned women from pouting when taking selfies to stop them looking like Twats we can reveal.

Cobbles nightclub has slapped on the ban after women spent all night posing for selfies instead of buying drinks from the bar.

A Cobbles spokesman told Newry Spud:

“These women spend so long pouting that our bar staff is left with fuck all to do. They never get the photo right the first time so they literally spend all night sticking their arms out and taking photos. They look like ‘Class A Thunder-Cunts.’ Back in the day when I used to go clubbing, we’d drink ten gallons of beer, puke it all back up and then fall asleep on the dance floor. That was called a REAL night out.”

But clubbers haven’t been put off by the new rule.

Stacey Fatspatrick said:

“Me and the girls will head to the bogs to do it. If we’re not allowed to do this thing in public, it’s only going to go underground. What else can they expect?”

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