Sun. Jan 17th, 2021

Newry men are ‘Big Rides’ and make better lovers than people from any other city, town or village in Ireland, according to a study run by a team of two Newry men.

Newry Spud spoke to one of the men:

“This was a particularly intense study run by myself and Ciaran…sorry, I meant Dr. Quinn. We ran through a vigorous set of tests and procedures and positions and came to the conclusion that Newry men are big rides baah.”

‘I have to agree with Dr. O’Hanlon, Newry men really are the best in the sack. We believe it’s due to our precise nature and fact-based methodology when it comes to pleasuring the female sex,’ said Dr. Quinn.

But the study was not without some losses as Dr. Quinn told us that the hours he put into his work caused such a strain on his marriage that he is currently undergoing a trial separation from his wife.

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