The World Health Authority has officially declared a form of blindness that affects only Newry males and stops them from seeing dirty dishes and full bins.
The condition, which is yet to be named, is thought to affect 99% of men across the world just as much as in Newry.
Dr Ian Black from the University of Ulster told Newry Spud:
“We’ve long suspected that men suffer from this condition because we get a lot of women coming in to see us and asking us to cure their fellas. Common symptoms of the condition include:
- Walking straight past dirty cups that need taking to the kitchen
- Using a clean cup instead of washing a dirty one
- Walking past mountains of dirty washing on the stairs
- Squeezing shit into bins that are about to explode
Dr Black said that men shouldn’t be blamed for this medical condition as it happens for no reason whatsoever.
“Women have no understanding of this terrible affliction. Sure, they can see the dirty dishes but can you imagine how hard it is for these boys who aren’t able to see it? You girls need to go easy on us lads. Now where did I put my glasses?”