Tue. Jan 19th, 2021


A Newry man is now the smuggest cunt on the face of the planet after giving up smoking it has been revealed today.

Johnny Lynch is off the fegs now three weeks and doesn’t let the opportunity go by to tell you and any fucker who will listen.

Lynch told Newry Spud:

“I was climbing Camlough mountain with a few of my mates, I looked up ahead of me and my mate Paddy ‘5 Chins’ was miles in front of me, I was then that I knew I had to stop the smoking, I mean Paddy has bigger tits than my granny for fuck sake and he was miles ahead of me.”

Lynch who is now a far better person than all his mates for quitting smoking says there is a sad and unfortunate downside to his quitting:

“Now I’m going to be the last one to die out of the boys, so I’ll have to go to all their funerals.”
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