Sat. Dec 5th, 2020

Numerous observers in Newry confirmed today that an average looking man was seen walking around town with a North Face Jacket and was probably on his way to some kind of research expedition in the far Arctic Circle.

Eyewitnesses claimed that the wearer of the North Face Jacket was in all likelihood also a secret Arctic scientist or some kind of extreme geographer, and that he was likely on his way to a remote research facility right now.

One onlooker told us:

“Based on the numerous pockets and layers of insulation, as well as his wind-swept, weathered face, I can only assume that this man is on his way to an important and potentially dangerous scientific expedition in the far north.

Perhaps he’s going to take core samples against the wishes of the UN to predict glacial retreat. Perhaps he is our only hope in the race to stop climate change.”

Other onlookers who saw the man disagreed, speculating that he was probably on his way to the Antarctic.

One told us:

“This man is obviously on his way to a research facility in the Antarctic, where he will study the physiology of lichens and other extreme-weather life forms.”

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