Wed. Dec 2nd, 2020

A Warrenpoint man has hit out at Slimming World today after gaining weight for the 5th week in a row we can reveal.

Paddy McGrath who works in the Bridge Street area and attends the Newry branch of Slimming World said he was both ‘shocked’ and ‘horrified’ to notice that he had in fact gained a stone instead of losing a single ounce.

We spoke with Paddy tonight from KFC on Bridge Street and he told Newry Spud:

“Thon Slimming World is a fucking farce baah. I was told you turn up every week, pay your membership and the weight flies off you. Does it fuck.”

We spoke with Slimming World’s Newry’s director Geraldine Fatspatrick who told us:

“Paddy doesn’t quite get the concept of the programme unfortunately. He is seen on a daily basis going into Sainsbury’s buying two family size pizzas for his lunch and Around-A-pound for the mega value packets of sweets.

However, we have now employed firearms trained Derick Thompson who was trained by Liam ‘One Shot’ McDonald to keep a 24 hour armed surveillance on Paddy as it is the only way, apart from stitching up his mouth or cutting his hands off to stop him from eating shite.”

We spoke with trained firearms expert Liam McDonald who had very strong feelings on the matter saying:

“In my opinion a warning should be given to Paddy to refrain from shite food and failure to comply would result in an immediate shooting.”

Please follow and like us: