Newry Man Helping Wife Buy Dildos Online – No Longer Wanted or Needed

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A Mourneview man who helped his wife purchase a selection of sex toys online – finally realised that the whole experience was really nothing to do with him.




Liam O’Hanlon was keen to assist her in her choices after seeing a TV advert in which a couple did the same, though only realised later that the merchandise was essentially a larger sized and better performing substitute for his own penis, and moreover, that no second person was required in its operation.

‘I guess it was the little things which gave it away’, Liam told us. ‘Once my credit card details had been submitted, my contributions seemed to be quickly overridden by Karen’s own weight and girth-based points system. She also insisted on picking names for the purchases herself using variations on ‘Keith’ – which coincidently is the name of her fitness instructor. However, she did at least generously grant me free use of the Nectar Points acquired, and those points really do add up.’

He added: ‘The couple in the advert seemed so keen to express to the world how shopping for dildos online brought them closer together, when actually, it’s all a bit weird.’