Fri. Jan 22nd, 2021


A Newry husband has filed for divorce from his wife after she fanny-farted in his face during a romantic interlude.

Mickey Quinn from the Meadow was ‘sipping from the furry cup’ in a horny get-together when his wife Julie, let rip with a front bum arse-ripper. Mickey suffered first-degree burns to his face and also lost several of his eyelashes in the eruption.

Mickey told Newry Spud:

“There I was, minding my own business when she lifted a cheek and BOOM! I didn’t know what had happened. My hair was blown off my head and my eyelashes simply vaporised there and then. To make it worse, she laughed when it happened, and I got an aftershock straight to the face. I blame the curry she ate from James’s the night before but I simply cannot allow my wife to get away with this. I’m taking her for everything she’s got, including the microwave, which is technically mine anyway because I paid for it on my credit card.”

Julie was repentant after the episode.

“All I want is my husband back. I couldn’t help it. I think my front bum got pumped full of air when Mickey was busy slipping one in me. Mickey thinks it was the curry but it was nothing to do with that. I do hope Mickey is ok. I’d hate for him to leave as I’d have to buy my own microwave oven.”

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